Hotashi

The contract academic staff at my university are on a legal strike after six months of negotiations with the adminstration. It has been just over two weeks since it started. I went to an information session put on by some full-time faculty who are supporting the CAS. Sadly they were mostly sociology professors who showed up to show support, which really says something about the full-time staff in other departments and their commitment to social justice. The vast majority, if not all full-time professors were part-time at some point in their careers and they should know how underpaid, overworked, and exploited the CAS workers are. How can you NOT show support? It disgusts me, really. It’s one thing to be a self-centred student who is too ignorant and unaware of the world to understand how abismal the working conditions for part-time faculty are. But what excuse do full-time professors have? Especially those with tenure status. You’re not going to get fired. What are you doing to make your university a better place?

I was also disappointed at the minimal turnout from students, especially those who continually complain that they aren’t getting information about the strike. Well here was their opportunity and they didn’t even bother to show up. They would rather join facebook groups to rant about how they are victimized by the strike (as if CAS aren’t), complain about the lack of effort from their student’s union, and/or tell people picketting to get off the fucking sidewalk. Yes, students have done that. The former two items are valid reasons for frustration, but why aren’t students doing anything about it? What does it take for students to get informed and take action? When will students realize that the university should belong to them?

It is also sad to know how many people are misinformed about the working conditions of part-time faculty. I was definately one of these people during my undergraduate career since it wasn’t until I was a grad student and had more interaction with the politics in an acedmic setting where I discovered the injustices of part-time faculty. We (the grad students) were equipped with two grad study spaces on our floor, which included 8 computers, 12+ desks, and 12+ chairs (I can’t remember exactly). The two part-time offices on the same floor have less space than us and only 2-3 chairs in each office. So basically, only two or three part-time faculty members can use the room at a time even though there are eight desks in each office. I felt degraded for them when I saw that. If I were a part-time professor, why would I want to work there? I have no privacy, no place to store any of my things, and I have to fight for a chair to even sit at a desk.

I was also misinformed about how much part-time faculty get paid. For doing the same amount of work for a course as full-time professors, they get paid $6,212 per course. That is so pathetic considering the amount of education and qualifications they have. They also do not get benefits, have no job security, and have to work at two or more universities to have a full course load. And since many of them commute, the money that is left over is minimal. Many have to go on welfare and use foodbanks during the summer months because they are unemployed. That just disgusts me. Especially when I see the ridiculous amount of money that the members of the administration make. All six figures over $150,000 each. And why do they deserve that?

Anyway, I’m all over the place. But I just wanted to say how disappointed I am that there isn’t a strong voice that is crying out for injustice. People should not have to fight for fair wages and healthy working conditions. Especially those who are so dedicated to their work and their students that they end up working for free at the end of the semester because their contract money has run out. That is dedication. To all those students who complain that they are getting screwed over, seek out who is creating this chain of injustice rather than being so short sighted.

To leave off, here is an article written in The Record by a part-time professor at Laurier: Part-time professor putting in full-time hours

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I got my first batch of marking to do last night. There were SO MANY! Just over 200…it was not fun carrying them to the office. I started marking some this morning. All I have to say is wow. It’s amazing how creative people are when it comes to flushing marks down the toilet. And I don’t care how much people make fun of keeners. I love them now. Having everything in order and labelled just makes me want to hug them. The more I go in this program, the more I feel the want to become a professor. But let’s see what I think after I lecture next week…*gulp*

Last night I hung out with my classmates. It was quite enjoyable…especially since drinks were involved. We first went to a sociology social on campus, which ws awkward. Everyone else there were undergrads and the atmosphere was a bit…dry. We walked in and we knew instantly that we should have just done our own thing. Ah well, free food! And after we finished eating everything, we went back to one of their houses to hang out. Good times. I’m really starting to enjoy not being in my house all the time, although I do feel bad for Tokki. I hope he doesn’t feel like Im neglecting him. =(

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I think I need some more sleep. I’m so tired =_=. I guess reading for 8-9 hours straight for the past three days is getting to me.

A few days ago I read some of my entries that I had made in my first year of university. Wow, they’re so bad. I couldn’t help but think to myself who in their right mind would find any of those posts entertaining. But it is cool to look back and see how far I’ve come, maturity wise.

Lately I’ve been having dreams about a Korean singer named Brian Joo. He’s a hottie. But yeah…I don’t even think about him and yet I keep having dreams about him. This morning I woke up from a dream about me happening to walk next to him on a sidewalk outside a university we were both attending. And I mentioned that I enjoyed his album, and then that caused us to talk some more. It was just so random, but so coherent - as if it really could have happened. But after all these innocent, realistic dreams about him, I can’t help but happily sigh to myself when I think of Brian Joo. What the heck? Am I so stressed out from school that I need to have secret rendez vous in my dreams with a Korean singer I’ll never meet in my life? o_O

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I went to a time management workshop with some of my classmates on Friday. It was somewhat useful, but it was also a reality check of how much we have to do and how little time we have to do it all. Many of the others freaked out over this, which is completely understandable. We’ve all been really stressed out over our coursework but have kept it to ourselves for the most part. So in a way it was encouraging to see others freak out because I know that I’m not alone in my anxiety. Recently though I haven’t been that anxious because I choose not to worry. I had to practice how to do this, but for the most part I have it down pat. I’m not in control, but I know God is. Anyway, I just feel closer to my classmates after that. I feel the need to reach out to some of them to let them know they’re not alone and that we can hold each other up when we need support. I’m really glad I get along with them because otherwise it would have been one more anxiety issue I would have had to overcome.

I also had a chat with my roommates last night about house stuff. I tried to be direct in a nice way, since I just hate beating around the bush. I said exactly what was bothering me, and what I wanted changed. I realized that one roommate in particular had different expectations of what it would be like living with us. She’s an international student so maybe she wanted a home away from home. And it’s sad to say, but I can’t give her that. I’m too busy to hang out or bond with them. I feel guilty about it, because I never want to be the person who rejects a desire for friendship. But I just can’t see myself doing well in school if I spend quality time with the roomies. I don’t have that privilege like I had in undergrad. But I just feel so awful about it.

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I’ve been a Christian for as long as I can remember. As far as I know, I’ve always believed. I still do. There are times in my life though when I slip away from God. Not because I don’t believe in Him, but because I start to feed into the lies of the world and start to focus my attention on other things. In the past few years (during university), this has been an ongoing battle for me. I keep trying to be a good Christian but I still seem to slip away into my dark world of sin.

It is not the feeling of guilt that brings me back to Jesus. It’s just that I miss Him. I miss having that feeling of security and friendship. Just knowing that as long as I do my best for Jesus, then that is all that matters. You might say that is nieve, but life is never more joyful otherwise. Lately one of the burdens in my life has been my future in academia. During the second half of my third year and the first half of my fourth year completing my BA, I wanted to obtain an MA. It was not because I wanted to have a special status or a higher income. I wanted to make a difference by contributing something to society. After being accepted into the Laurier Master’s program, I am scared. Well, not scared. TERRIFIED. I am not trying to be modest when I say I am not the smartest person. I’m above average in many respects, but no where close to the brilliance that I have witnessed from some of my peers. I do not know how I will manage at all. I don’t know how I will cope. I don’t even know how I got in!

This was really plaguing me last night. It was sparked from an e-mail I received telling me that my paper did not make the final cut of an undergraduate journal that I had applied to last year. I kept telling myself it was not a big deal. Looking back at the paper, it wasn’t as great as I thought it had been when I wrote it over a year ago. But that blatant rejection just added fuel to the fire. I was even more convinced that I was not qualified to be in this program. I just wanted to crawl a corner in my room and sit in the fetal position for as long as I could. Just as I was feeding into the feeling of inadequacy, I felt an even stronger feeling of missing Jesus. I knew that all I had to do was just spend some time with Him and I would feel instantly better. So I did.

I opened up the first page of a book that my mom got me the other day called God’s Little Devotional Book for Graduates. On one of the first pages it said this:

Graduation is a time of great expectations and adventures. In His wisdom however, God only lets you see as far ahead as today. When life’s rough mountain peeks and deep valleys stand in the way of your goals, don’t be discouraged. Take your eyes off those around you. Take a fresh look at the person God designed you to be. Then continue toward your destination, one step at a time.
“Don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.” [Matt 6:34 TLB]

Those words were really encouraging to me. I felt like God was speaking specifically to me through that verse. So I’ve decided to take things one day at a time and to trust in God. I’ve gotten through many things through His strength, so I don’t have anything to fear. Easier said than done, of course. But I will try.

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