Hotashi

Showers are amazing. Not only do you get that awesome feeling of clenliness as warm water soothes your body, but it’s also alone time away from the world to think about anything and everything. As I stood in the tub yesterday under the water I thought about a friend I had talked to earlier in the day. She just broke up with her boyfriend and was understandably quite upset. I listened to her and then shared my experiences with Jack’s and my 3 (or 4?) breaks and one break-up during our four and a half years together. I told her how at the time it hurts like hell but after you scream and weep out all the overwhelming emotions you can face the deeper emotions and thoughts that you wouldn’t otherwise have access to. And once you deal with the second set of emotions and thoughts, you realize things about yourself, your (ex-) partner, and your relationship that you couldn’t really place your finger on before. I think she was relieved to hear that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Still, I couldn’t help but remember how I felt during that time…and it really was hell.

Thinking about this in the shower put things in perspective for me. Previously I didn’t really have high expectations for stereotypical relationship expectations (ie. material love, celebrating extravagantly, regulated romance), but after watching Sex and the City over the past few months, my expectations seemed to shift. It’s quite ridiculous when I think about it now. Why did I want what they had when really, they are so fucked up? How could I not see how much more healthy my relationship with Jack is where we actually had intimacy? Why did I want Jack to perform like all the pieces of meat the four women would bang…well, I can’t say that I ever wanted Samantha’s “love” life. I was mostly awed at Aiden. Damn that Carrie for being such a bitch. =P

While in the shower I asked myself what was the last romantic thing that Jack did for me. And of course I was trying to remember the stereotypical actions (ie. buying flowers or some other useless token that would eventually rot), and of course I couldn’t think of anything. So I asked myself what had Jack done recently that really touched me. Do you know what I thought of? The one time in my life when I was hung over and Jack took care of me. He cleaned up my puke, took care of me the next day (even though he had a killer migrane), and never once complained. Only someone who really loves you will do that. No amount of money can buy it. So I’m glad I don’t have money thrown at me, because I’ve got the real deal.

My friend asked me last week how I knew Jack was the one. I didn’t know how to articulate my feelings to her, but now I know I should have said: he loves me at my worst. Man, my heart feels so warm and fuzzy right now. ^_^

P.S. Don’t worry, I will never get that wasted ever again.

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I don’t know if I’m going out of my mind because of this 20 page paper I have to write on the torture in Abu Ghraib, or because I’ve been living in my room for the past three days straight. Well…the two are obviously related. A pefect example of my temporary insanity. Seriously, this topic is very emotionally draining. It is sad to say, but I can’t wait until I’m done thinking about torture so that I can start on my 20 page research proposal. Yay =_=…WHY WON’T THIS TERM END?!!!

Anyway, I just needed to do something besides read about torture so I’m going to list things that I want.

1. This term to be OVER!
2. My legs to stop hurting from sitting and reading for the past three days.
3. More chocolate! Jack brought me chocolate the last time he was up and I finished them. Oh how I miss thee, Lindor chocolates. So deliciously smooth and creamy…yum. ^_^
4. A delicious glazed donut. Like the ones I had in Boston.
5. To finish watching Hana Kimi (Japanese version) with Noops.
6. To have better bangs. I think I will cut them myself this time. O_O!
7. Gotta think of a seventh thing since six is such an ugly number. Oh! Post-it notes that actually stick! Useless dollar store brand. >_>

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I’ve been really angry lately…I won’t go into the details, but it’s been tough for me to deal with it. I think that I’m dealing with it slowly day by day, but I hope it’s not just me being dilusional. Anyway I’m reading an article for my presentation next week about HIV/AIDS activism via the Internet. As I read it I remembered a video (documentary? news clip?…not sure, but something along those lines) that I watched in class a couple of years back in a class. There was this one part which showed various mothers and their children standing outside their kids’ school and protesting to have a child with AIDS banned from the school so that he wouldn’t spread it to the other children. The scene shows the mother of the child with AIDS walk out with him into their car and drive away while these protesters yelled things like “get away from my child” and “you’re not going to hurt my baby.” This occurred during the time when the media portrayed HIV/AIDS as a “gay disease” and placed a deviant label on anyone with the disease. And since earlier on people didn’t know how it could be spread (other than through “gay sex”), there was a fear of associating with people with HIV/AIDS. This happened for cancer as well.

It made me wonder what types of anger issues the mother of that child with AIDS and the child himself had to deal with. It was horrible for me just to watch, but I wasn’t even there. I wasn’t even the victim. How did they feel? What did they have to do to deal with their anger?

When I think about that video, I get really angry myself. It makes me realize how much we each need to fight injustice in our world, and to recognize MORAL PANIC. So many times we fall into moral panic and we don’t even know it. “TERRORISM!” “EVIL ENEMIES” “PEOPLE STEALING OUR JOBS”…it’s really disgusting. How can we live in a democratic society that values fairness and justice and yet harbour such hatred and fear of our neighbours? I think a good way for me to direct my anger is to become a social activist. In a way, I’m sad that more people aren’t angry because this world would be a much better place if people got angry enough to fight injustice.

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I know this is not new, but I wanted to comment about it here. If you hadn’t heard, Shilpa Shetty and Richard Gere had an arrest warrant put out for them in April after Gere repeatedly kissed Shetty on the cheek at an AIDS awareness rally in India. A lawyer filed the suit claiming that Shetty and Gere committed an “obscene act”. Here is a video showing you what happened.

I’ve read various comments on this topic, which usually involve people expressing their disgust at the Indian government for wasting their time and resources. I can’t say that I don’t think that this was over the top, because it was. But looking at the outrage sparked by many Indians, I ask myself why they are so angry. Is it merely just this act that was committed by Gere on Shetty or was their outrage a build-up of other issues?

I don’t keep up with Indian media or how Indian society is progressing lately, but I know that many non-Western countries are facing the effects of globalization and feel pressure to conform to Western cultures and beliefs. As an Indo-Canadian, I was not free from the values my parents grew up with being taught to me while I was also faced with values of Canadian society. Many times they clashed, such as showing affection in public. Until recently, I felt really awkward when people did show their affection physically because I had been shaped by a belief that such behaviour was only appropriate in private. I still hold onto that belief to a certain extent. It took me a very long time before I felt comfortable kissing Jack in public, and I still do it rarely and only for a short peck.

I know that there are many who would see my as a prude, but it doesn’t matter to me. I would rather not flaunt my physical attraction for another for everyone to see because for me, that would deface the act into being about voyership than about an act of love. This is my personal choice, and living in a society that tells me to do more and to show more, I understand how hard it can be to stand up and say no. Now this is in Canadian society. What if this feeling was to be felt in Indian society where the norm is to withhold physical affection in public? How would anyone react if they felt their culture was being ignored and walked over by a forigner? I would definately feel offended.

To put it in simple words, I believe Richard Gere was out of line and should have known better. Yes, he was doing humanitarian work in India and his efforts are appreciated, but that does not give him the right to disrespect the cultural norms of a society he is helping. By doing so, he shows a sense of ownership of space - a space that is not his. And the last thing that any peoples want is to be owned by an outsider. The reaction to this incident is by no means acceptable. Burning life-like dolls or pictures of Gere and Shetty is disgusting, and the charges is excessive. But it is not to say that the anger felt by those who held protests against Gere and Shetty’s act, is not justified.

You can read more about the incident here.

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