Hotashi

Death is a weird thing. We all have to deal with it at some point in our lives, and we’ll all have to face it sooner or later. It’s inevitable and yet it usually always comes as a shock when it happens. Even when we are wanting someone to pass (hopefully to put them out of their suffering), we still feel pain when we have to let them go. Death goes hand in hand with mourning. If you don’t mourn right away it WILL wait for you. Sadly, it will hit you at an unexpected (and usually) and inconvenient time. Better to deal with it when it happens than let it linger. That’s what I think.

Jack’s grandfather passed away this weekend. It was expected, but it’s still hard to deal with. Did I like the man? I wouldn’t say I hated him. I didn’t really know him. Yet when I found out he died, I still cried. I don’t know if I was crying for him or for my grandmother that passed away almost at this same time last year. One of those quirky things about death I guess…it’s not always about the one who died.

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I’m still in shock from finding out that Heath Ledger has passed away. He was twenty-eight years old and has a two year old daughter with his ex-girlfriend Michelle Williams. It’s really sad. I had the same shock when Aaliyah passed away a few years ago in a plane crash. Sometimes celebrities (even though I don’t follow them) seem somewhat invincible and close to me. So when they pass away it really hits me suddenly as though someone I really knew died. I really feel sad for Heath’s family, especially his daughter. Right now the police are trying to determine the cause of death. Suicide is a possibility although his family is claiming it he wasn’t suicidal and his passing was accidental. I really hope that it isn’t a homicide. That would be really tragic.

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Well the day finally came last Sunday. The day I have been dreading for over a year. Maki finally left for Japan, most likely never to come back to Canada. The only chance of seeing her again is to visit her in Japan. I am going to hope with all that I have that this is a guaranteed future. It was hard to hold back the tears at some points, especially walking her to the gate, but I managed to keep smiling. I really hate goodbyes.

Despite this sucky news, I have some good news as well. I made it into the Laurier Masters program. So I will be back in Waterloo to finish up one more year of schooling. I’m glad I finally received a conformation on their decision so that I can let it sink in and take care of all the nitty gritty things that I have to do for that. I’m not sure if I want to stay in the same place that I’ve been living. Although it is a great place to live and it would be convenient to not move, there are so many memories in the place. Not having everyone there with me may put me into mega depression mode. Plus I wouldn’t know who I would be living with, if anyone at all. I’m still not sure about those things, but I will pray about it and leave it to God. Whenever I place things in His hands, everything always works out better than if I worried about it.

Since I’m home I also got to visit Froggy’s grave. I don’t miss him as much now. Probably because I’ve been away from him so long that it’s not as shocking. My mom has put a nice stepping stone over his grave and has planted a flower next to it. Very nice. I’m somewhat relieved that I didn’t have to be there when he died. I think I would be a lot more upset. Anyway, that is all for now. I hope I will have more lively posts soon. Sorry for being so bummed out lately.

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I find that this is a time in my life where I have to say goodbye a lot. Firstly there are those deaths that I mentioned previously, and then it is the end of my undergraduate career, an end to university life (perhaps), an end to living in Waterloo (perhaps), and end to living with my roomates, etc. My roommate Maki is moving back to Japan on Sunday. I’m not sure how I will react after it sinks in that she is gone, but right now I’m trying to focus on the here and now. I still have a few more days with her.

I used to be one of those people that hated when things ended. Even when I have something I was eating that I liked, I would eat it slowly to savour every piece. I still do that. It drives my sister insane. She’s a scarfer. I don’t know if it is because I have matured or I have had to learn to say goodbye that I deal with it better. I still cry and it still hurts, but I don’t run away from it as much. I really hate saying goodbye though. It sucks. But everything has to come to an end. It’s a part of life, and I know that. But it plauges my heart when I know that there are some people that I may never see again. Those who I care about deeply. It hurts.

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I was one told by a high school English teacher that bad news always comes in threes. Well I’ve discovered that that has been true lately. First my grandmother died a couple of months ago. Then while I was in Europe, one of my uncles passed away at the age of 51. Then yesterday afternoon my Froggy passed away as well. I’m really heartbroken right now. I cried for the first two but I did not bawl the way I did last night for them. Only for my Froggy, whom I miss dearly right now. What I would give to see him scamper across my floor, or try to climb up my legs when he smelt what I was eating, or to just hold him for a few seconds again. I didn’t think I could feel such love for a little hamster.

He didn’t go with ease, as I would have liked. He had a stroke the night before resulting in fits and partial paralysis. His body slowly shut down after that. I’m thankful that it was the weekend and that my sister could hold him during his last hours. It means so much to me that he wasn’t alone. I hate that I couldn’t be there, but it is better that he died at home and not here in Waterloo. I had a feeling that I wouldn’t be able to see him again when I left last week, so I said goodbye then. I still wish I could have given him one last kiss again.

I miss you, Froggy. Rest in peace.

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