Hotashi

One of the problems of being very petite (almost too petite) is that others invalidate my recognition that I have gotten chubbier. Yes, it is possible for a size 0 person to become a size 1 and *gasp* a size 2! And yes it is possible for people of these sizes to have too much fat. There is such a thing as accumulating fat internally - on your organs to be precise. Read this article: Thin people might be fat on the inside.

Anyway, when others (most often people who are larger than me, which is 99.9% of the adult population) decide to start working out because they want to lose some flub and become healthier, people generally support them. What happens when I convey the same ambition? I get that look. The look that says I’m crazy and I should trust the judgment of those who have no idea what it’s like to have a very small body that is far from being healthy (read: asthma, fatigue, poor stamina, weak muscles, etc.). I do not look at models and think “that’s what I want to look like” because quite frankly, their body types are unnatural and unhealthy for the majority of the population. So no, it’s not all in my mind. I think I know when I’m out of shape. I walk up one flight of stairs and I’m panting. That’s not good! And I refuse to use my asthma as an excuse for not being more active. Damn you asthma!

So anyway, I started doing my morning exercises again. When the weather isn’t shitty like it was yesterday, I intend to go for a half hour walk. I would like to do an hour but Waterloo is not good for my asthma - not sure why. So here is to being healthy - cheers!

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I recently made my first online purchase of shoes a couple of weeks ago from Zappos.com. I was hoping that my shoes would arrive at my parent’s house last week so that I could try them on this weekend to see if they fit. Well just my luck - they arrived yesterday. So now I have to wait a while before I can see if they fit. I really hope they do because it costs $15 to send them back. I really hate how U.S. residents get free shipping and Canada has to pay customs and shipping charges. Why can’t companies have locations in Canada? It’s so annoying.

I feel really tired today. I’m not sure why exactly. I went to bed at 11:30 and woke up at 7:45, which I think it’s plenty of sleep for a grad student. I thought it was because I was hungry, but I just ate my lunch…so what’s up? Maybe my body gets tired from knowing all the deadlines that are coming up in the next two weeks and how impossible it is for me to meet all of them. Did I mention how tired of school I am?

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You know what’s great? Post-it notes. You know what’s better? Post-it notes for your desktop. Fuck yeah! [DOWNLOAD]

I’m so tired right now. This week is killer. Damn you all that are done exams…and school! I am so envious of you. I have to finish my 20 page proposal tomorrow and then go to a faculty lunch on Thursday followed by non-stop marking of 200 papers, and then work on my take-home exam for THEORY! I’m dead. Shoot me now. I am going to get wasted Friday night.

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I think I need some more sleep. I’m so tired =_=. I guess reading for 8-9 hours straight for the past three days is getting to me.

A few days ago I read some of my entries that I had made in my first year of university. Wow, they’re so bad. I couldn’t help but think to myself who in their right mind would find any of those posts entertaining. But it is cool to look back and see how far I’ve come, maturity wise.

Lately I’ve been having dreams about a Korean singer named Brian Joo. He’s a hottie. But yeah…I don’t even think about him and yet I keep having dreams about him. This morning I woke up from a dream about me happening to walk next to him on a sidewalk outside a university we were both attending. And I mentioned that I enjoyed his album, and then that caused us to talk some more. It was just so random, but so coherent - as if it really could have happened. But after all these innocent, realistic dreams about him, I can’t help but happily sigh to myself when I think of Brian Joo. What the heck? Am I so stressed out from school that I need to have secret rendez vous in my dreams with a Korean singer I’ll never meet in my life? o_O

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I think I need to not stress myself out so much. I had a three hour break in between two of my classes, so I decided to take a nap. Well, not only did I sleep through part of my class, when I finally came to I was in a weird state of consciousness. I had all these thoughts and voices running through my head and I had double vision. I tried to get up but I could not move my body, no matter how hard I tried. Then I was filled with anxiety about someone chasing me to kill me. It was so freaky. I finally managed to get up and turn on the lights, but it took a lot just to do that. I had to call Jack and talk to him to make sure I didn’t lose consciousness. It was really freaky. The only way I can rationalize what happened was that I must have been woken up during a REM (rapid eye movement) cycle, which is why I had so many thoughs going through my head. As for the others…I guess my body was just too stressed from this past week. I really need to take it more easy and treat my body well. It’s the only one I have..for now.

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