Archive for the 'Pride' Category
The Kink In My Hair
Author: Ams
In my race and ethnicity class last week we discussed some of the ways racialized peoples alter their image to try to fit in with the White norm. We focused more on darker skinned people wearing light coloured contacts or altering the colour of their hair. The topic really got me thinking. I had thought about these things a few years ago and had decided that I would not dye my hair, wear colour contacts or lighten my skin. I wanted to make a statement that I was proud of who I was and I did not believe I should change the natural beauty of my body to match that of a White woman (a specific type of White woman that most White women do not look like, but still strive to duplicate onto their bodies). But this time I started thinking about the texture of my hair.
Ever since grade seven I have hated my hair - hated. I don’t think I ever really liked my hair, but I really began to hate it with a passion in grade seven. This was when I started going through puberty and I started realizing how I did not fit the ideal beauty that was set out by Canadian society. I was not White, I did not have fair skin, I was not tall, and I did not have luscious hair that was soft to the touch. My hair was big, volumous (more than desired), black, and coarse. It was hard to maintain and I had not yet learned how to “manage” it. I got my first hair straightener in grade eight or nine and I have been straightening my hair ever since. Occasionally I would leave it natural, but this was out of laziness than anything else. I started thinking about why I hated my hair so much. It’s been 10 years of this hatred and I haven’t allowed myself to stop and think about why.
Last year I had seen a movie (I can’t remember the name) about Black American women talking about their hair. I had blogged about it previously, but I only discussed the comb test in that post. I can’t remember the entire movie, but I remember that a prominent theme was the struggle that many Black women have about coming to terms about their natural hair. For many they have been treating their hair for a good portion (probably the majority) of their lives, and they had to make conscious decisions about the statement they wanted to make with their hair. Many were fighting against the image of the ideal beauty having long, silky straight hair and they wanted to send the message that their natural “kinky” hair was beautiful, acceptable and desirable.
Thinking about the messages that Black women have received and self-inflicted upon themselves of attaining this desired type of hair, I have realized that I too have done the same to myself. Also, I have accepted messages that dark, “kinky” hair is undesirable and disgusting. I have always liked the feeling of my straight silky hair after it has been straightened, but I’ve realized that this is part of the socialization that I have experienced that has taught me that coarse hair does not feel good - that the kinks need to be straightened out and erased of any undesirability. How did I not see this earlier?
So this week I did not straighten my hair. I left it natural and went out to dinner with my friends. I received compliments and scowls about my “beautiful natural hair” which I previously used to shrug off, but this time I smiled and said thank you. I have decided that I want to unlearn the hatred towards my hair and relearn how to love it. I want to take back the power I so willingly gave up to an abstract, unrealistic model image.
read comments (3)Indo-Chinese Is The Way To Go
Author: Ams
During my research for a paper I was writing about marriage patterns for ethnic minorities in Canada, I found out that members of the Indian and of the Chinese community were the least likely to marry outside their group. Indians were the least likely and Chinese were the second least likely. I started laughing when I read that because I’m Indian and Jack is Chinese. HAHAHA! Looks like we are quite the exception. Time to take over the world!
[EDIT] The picture in this post has been deleted. [/EDIT]
The date on the pic is wrong. It was taken last summer. Wow, I never realised I was THAT much shorter than Jack. T_T
P.S. I edited my About Me page. Let me know if the pic looks weird.
Future Racism
Author: Ams
Lately Jack and I have been doing very well. Not much fighting and quite a bit of quality time. We’re looking more into our future since we’re both graduating this Spring and will be *hopefully* starting to work soon. I’m not sure when we’ll get engaged and married, but we’ve been having more serious discussions about it. One concern that I have is racism that we will have to deal with. So far we’ve only gotten looks from people, which used to really bother me. But when I think about what our kids will have to deal with, I feel a deep sense of guilt for creating the situation. I know I can’t control other people’s actions, but knowing that our kids will face racism makes me feel like I’m the one who chose that life for them.