Archive for the 'Personal Issues' Category
Generation Perspectives
Author: Ams
I had a talk with my mom the other day about money management. She was saying how immigrant parents spend money on their kids and wait on themselves because they immigrated for the purpose of giving their kids a better life. And I told her how it can be burdening on the children of immigrant parents because they also want their parents to enjoy their lives and not constantly sacrifice their wants and desires for their children (especially when their children are older). She didn’t seen to understand this concept.
I kept her on this topic because I wanted her to understand indirectly why I didn’t want my parents to help out financially with the wedding. It’s not because I want to hog the glory or exclude them from the process. I just feel like my parents have put in a lot of financing towards my life, including supporting me through my Masters degree. I don’t feel it is fair to expect them to also contribute to the wedding expenses. Sure I wouldn’t mind if the paid for small things, but I really don’t want them to concern themselves with such finances, especially since my younger sister is still at university. I don’t think it is fair for any parent to have to wait until they are retired to spend money on themselves and enjoy life. It is their money which they worked hard for and they should reward themselves. I’m not sure how to get them to understand where I’m coming from so that they don’t think I’m a horrible daughter who doesn’t want her parents to get involved. =/
read comments (0)Being Honest With The Parents
Author: Ams
I was just going through a stack of papers and sorting them into my keep and recycle piles when I found the Rainbow centre edition of Blueprint Magazine I had picked up a while ago. I had skimmed through the articles before but I didn’t really remember much. I came across one article called “A Closet Tantrum” where the author wrote about how his decision to come out was selfish. He ended off by stating that “the truth may hurt now, but with any luck, they’ll (his parents) come to realize that honesty was in fact the best policy.” It made me think about my own honesty with my parents. From what I can remember about my childhood and teenage years, I have been quite honest with my parents. Sometimes, I’ve been a little too honest but I attribute that to my bluntness and avoidance of sugar coating things (something that I unfortunately don’t do enough these days). I continued this into my university years and didn’t really avoid telling my parents (read: my mom) about the things I would do. I always thought that this was because I sincerely believed that honesty was the best policy.
Recently I’ve been thinking about my honesty with my mother who relays the information to my father and typically calms him down after he freaks out over my decisions. I always thought that my honesty with them was due to my insistence on being an honest person. Well lately I have found myself purposely keeping things from them. Why? Because I know they would not approve and I’m tired of justifying myself to them. When Jack and I first started dating I told my mother right away even though I knew they wouldn’t approve. They insisted that I should focus on my studies and avoid relationships since they were time consuming (which I can completely understand when I look back now). However I told them anyway and I stuck with my decision. Of course, I wouldn’t have been able to do this if my parents weren’t open-minded enough (unlike many other Indian parents that I know) to let their daughter attend a university away from home, and allow her to date despite their personal beliefs against it. I always pointed to this situation as proof of my honesty with my parents. So what is up with my life now?
Trying Not To Be So Stressed
Author: Ams
I’ve been really busy with school lately. I had a mini breakdown and an anxiety attack last week. The stress has been really getting to me. Easter couldn’t have come at a better time, really. I went home this weekend to spend time with my family and relax. Church didn’t have the same effect like it had in the past, but it was good to be back. The message of Easter is always something that I need to cherish and remind myself of. And I’ve realized that I have been forgetting that my value does not lie anywhere but in God. I guess I’ve been trying to gain validation through completing my Masters, conducting my own research, and in other places. These accomplishments are a nice pat on the back, but day by day I am feeling less satisfied and more burdened. Things that once excited me now make me cringe. So I am now going to try to make a conscious effort to just do my best for Jesus and not care about impressing anyone else. Life is more enjoyable that way.
Just to add in something random, I am really hungry but whenever I walk out of my room into the kitchen I can smell the bag of garbage still waiting to be thrown out. I lose my appetite immediately, but I’m so hungry. Why can’t people do their chores on time? >_>
Why I Don’t Wear A Poppy
Author: Ams
I wanted to make a post today about why I do not wear a poppy. I used to say that I didn’t celebrate Rememberance Day, but after reading a post on Jack’s blog I realized that I do celebrate it, just not the way that people want me to celebrate it. So I am reposting his post because he wrote it very well and I am very proud of him.
Remembrance Day is tomorrow in Canada. These days you see many people walking around with a red poppy pinned to their jackets. We are urged to remember what the veterans did for us during the war. It’s ironic then that Remembrance Day almost completely ignores the many Chinese Canadian soldiers did for Canada during the war. Everywhere you see images of white soldiers, but where are the native Canadians, the black Canadians, the Chinese Canadians? Even at the Canadian War Museum that recently opened in Ottawa, you see no hints that any Chinese Canadians participated in the war effort.
If you dig hard enough you can find some info on the Chinese Canadian soldiers, but most people do not even know that they existed. On the Veteran Affairs Canada website, they do have a section dedicated to those forgotten soliders. Running some Google searches yield a few pieces of info here and there. But they all seem to be unanimous that the period of racism has passed, and the Chinese Canadians, in turn for their heroic service during the war, now enjoy the same privileges as other Canadians.
It’s quite sad that Canada has chosen not to acknowledge the histories of these brave men and women, who fought for the country they loved. Even now, it’s the Chinese Canadians that have to make sure that their history and heritage is not forgotten forever. There is a Chinese Canadian Military Museum in Vancouver that is dedicated to “educating the public of the Chinese fight to repeal discriminatory laws and to earn their citizenship with all the rights and privileges and stand equal with other Canadians.”
The reason why I won’t wear a poppy is because I want to remember. I remember that it wasn’t just the white people who fought for Canada. I remember the ordeals that the Japanese Canadians had to go through. I remember all the excuses given by the Canadian government to justify racism during the war. When I look at images of our war heroes — like the statue erected across from Wilfrid Laurier University, at the Veteran’s Green — I can’t help but feel a bit repulsed by all the racism and ignorance that comes with Remembrance Day.
lest we forget
Why I’m So Angry
Author: Ams
I’ve been really emotional about a particular part of my life, and it stresses me out whenever I think about it. The stress is not from classes or class work, it’s not from being a TA, it’s not from giving lectures in front of a 200+ student class, it’s not from marking and remarking over 200 assignments, it’s not from my stupid roomates who have no common sense. All these things do stress me, but not that much…except maybe the stupid roommates. What I’ve been really, really angry about lately is the engagement.
Now it’s probably not what you think…or maybe it is…I can’t remember if I mentioned this in an earlier post. It’s not about Jack or the way he proposed or anything like that. It’s our parents. They don’t care about our engagement. For the most part, they don’t even acknowledge any change whatsoever. They didn’t even congratulate us.
This really angers me. To me, it is just decent to congratulate someone when they get engaged. Period. Not doing so either makes the couple feel guilty for getting engaged (which is not the case here), or makes those who do not wish them look like complete [enter a not-so-nice word here]. It is rude. All these emtotions really made our engagement suck. When I think about it now I don’t think about how Jack proposed, or how happy we were or how excited our friends got when they found out. What I think about is the ‘whatever’ attitude my mother had when I told her (which was right after we got engaged…I called her on the phone), or the ‘whatever’ attitude Jack’s parents had when we went over the day after and they ignored us for the most part. My feelings of anger and hurt make me wish we didn’t get engaged, because I can’t even think about all the great things about it. All I think about is how ill-mannered our parents are. And these feelings aren’t helping me when school is stressful enough.