Hotashi

One of the problems of being very petite (almost too petite) is that others invalidate my recognition that I have gotten chubbier. Yes, it is possible for a size 0 person to become a size 1 and *gasp* a size 2! And yes it is possible for people of these sizes to have too much fat. There is such a thing as accumulating fat internally - on your organs to be precise. Read this article: Thin people might be fat on the inside.

Anyway, when others (most often people who are larger than me, which is 99.9% of the adult population) decide to start working out because they want to lose some flub and become healthier, people generally support them. What happens when I convey the same ambition? I get that look. The look that says I’m crazy and I should trust the judgment of those who have no idea what it’s like to have a very small body that is far from being healthy (read: asthma, fatigue, poor stamina, weak muscles, etc.). I do not look at models and think “that’s what I want to look like” because quite frankly, their body types are unnatural and unhealthy for the majority of the population. So no, it’s not all in my mind. I think I know when I’m out of shape. I walk up one flight of stairs and I’m panting. That’s not good! And I refuse to use my asthma as an excuse for not being more active. Damn you asthma!

So anyway, I started doing my morning exercises again. When the weather isn’t shitty like it was yesterday, I intend to go for a half hour walk. I would like to do an hour but Waterloo is not good for my asthma - not sure why. So here is to being healthy - cheers!

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I’ve been home for the past few weeks because of my research and I have become totally lethargic. I stopped doing my daily exercises and I can feel my body becoming a little more flabby and just unhealthy. I should not be tired from walking up one flight of stairs. I’m pretty pathetic really. So I have decided to start doing some exercises! I saw this article called Tone Your Tummy In One Month and I want to try it. I’m not looking for crazy toned abs, but I would like to decreases my rolls and become more healthy. So here goes one month of tummy toning. And I will start all of this tomorrow. =P

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Which would prefer to have, assuming you had to choose one: asthma attack or anxiety attack? That is the decision I have been having to make in the past couple of months. For some reason my asthma medication triggers anxiety attacks for me. It only started happening this term, and previously my heartrate wouldn’t even increase with the use of my puffer. An increased heart rate is a symptom of asthma puffer medication, and it’s supposed to be harmless. Well…it’s not. My increased heart rate makes my body start to shake and I become really anxious. It’s like having to perform on stage and getting butterflies…only multiply that by 100 times the anxiety. So basically I have to choose between not being able to breath from an asthma attack or not being able to function with an anxiety attack.

I went to the health clinic on campus to talk to a doctor about it and I had to wait 20 minutes to see a nurse. She asked me a bunch of questions about my diet, my medication and my stress level. She basically concluded that I just need to “take it easy”…whatever that means. I usually suffer from shortness of breath from walking to campus and I used my puffer to breathe more easily. I admit that some of the attacks were provoked by my elevated stress level, but many times they weren’t. I wasn’t stressed or anxious at all for the latter times. And not everytime I use my puffer I get an anxiety attack or have an increased heart rate. I don’t smoke or do drugs, I don’t drink coffee (yes, I got through 5 years of post-secondary education without drinking any coffee), I rarely drink tea (and it’s usually watered down greentea), and I don’t drink energy drinks. So I have no idea what is triggering them. Anyway, I don’t know why they need to swipe my healthcard and get paid $40 for them to just tell me to take it easy. At least now it’s on my medical record. I hope it’s nothing more serious…but I have no idea what it could be.

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Don’t you hate it when you have so many ideas for posts but when it comes time to sit down and write one you can’t remember any of them? *sigh* I need to carry around a pad of paper all the time so that I can jot down important things.

So I was sick for a week after getting back from Ottawa. It really sucked. I couldn’t do anything and I’m behind in my readings. I don’t think it’s possible to catch up anyway, so I’ll just have to ignore some of them. My cold seemed quite common too - sore throat, loss of voice, fever, fatigue. It wasn’t the worst cold to have, but it definately prevented me from being productive. The weather for tomorrow doesn’t seem to be too pleasant and I think there is a good chance for another snowday. We had one last Friday, which was annoying because 1) I was already home that day from being sick, and 2) I don’t have classes on Fridays anyway. Poo! I’ll be pissed if the weather sucks and school is still open. I hate when they do that. >=/

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I bought my first bottle of mouthwash today. I was really proud of myself for making a healthy purchase (along with iron pills for my low iron levels) and I couldn’t wait to use it. Well I just used it and IT BURNS LIKE HELL! I guess I don’t know what hell burns are like literally, but seriously it burns. WTF?! Why does it hurt so much? I expected a little pain but that was a lot. My eyes were watering like mad and I just stood there with my mouth wide open while every muscle in my mouth tightened in pain. What a horrible experience. I am so dilluting it tomorrow morning. GRR! >=/

I also got iron pills today. I stopped taking them a while ago because I’m LAZY! I am determined to take better care of myself this year. I want to eat more vegetarian meals and wean myself off meat. I’m still working on getting on top of a regular exercise schedule. My tummy and bumbum keep expanding and my asthma keeps getting worse. I want to be fit! Ok, this is my post to get myself in gear. I will be healthy! Anyone with me? >=D

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